how did jk manage to write ootp and not come to the conclusion that the only career w any true meaning for harry james potter was as a goddamn professor at hogwarts like how do u write the da scenes and say “nah he’d want to be a wizard cop”
#just let him dress in warm sweaters and have tea with neville in the staff room and help first years #harry james potter as hogwarts longest serving defense against the dark arts teacher fucking fight me (@batcii)
#but it would be so perfect??? #bc it would help normalize his life so much #like there would just be this generation of kids who are like #‘ugh who cares that he killed the dark lord he gAVE US HOMEWORK OVER BREAK’ #like the beginning of every year there would be the new first years who would freak out a little #but then it would calm down #and most of the students would literally forget #until like clockwork the fifth years would have their history of magic class on the second war #and they’d all show up to DADA looking a little awestruck and everyone would be extra quiet #and harry would give this kind of annoyed sigh—except it’s fake bc he TOTALLY knew this was coming #bc binns is a bro and he totally gives him a heads up every year #and harry wouldn’t have any lesson plans for the day and instead he would just sit at the front of the room and answer everyone’s questions #but otherwise everyone would just be like ‘professor potter!! i can’t get my patronus to work! help me!’ #and like they’d go home at the end of the year or for break and their parents—who ARE still starstruck by harry james potter #would pester their kids with questions#and the kids would just be like ‘merlin i don’t know?? potter’s such a huge dork you should hear him talk about proper wand movements’ #but they would all love him #and he would feel safe and normal and utterly accepted #AND I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE (via @cinematicnomad)
Not to mention it would be an ultimate Fuck You to Voldemort, who put a curse on the teaching position in the first place.
Like, Jo, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, but COME ON
I already queued this but also, you do this, but still have Ginny become a famous Quidditch player. Imagine the first time Harry gets called “Ginny’s husband” before “the boy who lived” or “the chosen one.” Imagine how fucking pleased he’d be.
Imagine the first time a student comes up to him looking starry-eyed and Harry’s thinking “Oh no” because he doesn’t want to talk about Voldemort or the war but instead this little eleven year old is like “ARE YOU REALLY MARRIED TO WEASLEY FROM THE HOLLYHEAD HARPIES???!?? WHAT’S SHE LIKE?” and he’s like “oh thank god” because he could talk about Ginny all day.
Jo, mamma, please.
IT GOT BETTER.
Me: I'm glad you're still enjoying it then.
Me: ...I'm never going to top that as an Anniversary Present for you two am I?
Dad: Pretty much never no.
Based on that old post where an assortment of Vaderlings is called a Murder…
An assortment of Obi-Wans is called a cacophony. I.e. There is a cacophony of Obi-Wans in my living room and I’ve run out of tea.
These are the things that come to my mind early in the morning.
asdkfjsdfkj but like. As a credential carrying peruser of Sad Prequel Trash fic, I’ve hesitantly narrowed down the different sort of individuals you may find in a cacaphony of Obi-wans.
The Timetraveler: “And fuck YOU and fuck YOU and fuck YOU, I KNOW WHAT SHITTY THING YOU’RE GONNA DO IN LIKE TEN YEARS.” Timetraveler Obi-wan is out of shits. He has a shit deficit big enough make Senate accountants weep. When confronted by the 1238947394719 dead people he loved that are now still alive, he may go and join them in the cry hole. Would gladly stab Palpatine in the eye for like, a nickel.
Girl!Obi-wan: Comes in a close second out of “shits not given.” Has 100% less patience for Anakin’s nonsense, is the cool bi big sister of your dreams, will not hesitate to lay you flat on your ass and make you say “sorry ma’am” while looking up at her with stars in your eyes. Bonus points for beautiful impractically long ginger hair bc “Screw you Anakin let me have sometime nice!”
Sith Obi-wan: either tragic and sexy or sexy and evil, there is no in between (only the Sith deal in absolutes, Anakin!) Will step on you but may or may not be crying while it happens.
The Politician AU: refined, elegant, put upon wide eyed innocence while being kind of insufferable with vague “punch me” vibes with a side of “but first let me take my tailored patent leather wool blend coat frock off OK now go for it.” 10/10 would bang relentlessly in a Senate storage closet.
Padawan!Obi-wan: “wow everything the council says is right and I must listen to my master at all times bUT ALSO *parkours off the Temple roof into yet another set of escapades involving lovable side characters, improbable hijinks, and five organized crime rings*
Mandalorian Obi-wan: “I spent maybe like two years on this planet in supplementary materials and yet am 10000% proficient in the language, am honorarily adopted into three different clans and have my own set of Mandalorian armor just chilling in my closet yo what’s up ALSO i care 1000% more about clone rights than I ever have been shown to be in canon.”
Bandomeer Obi-wan: kinda bitter kinda resentful also 100% less stressed than my canon counterpart bc I’m out here planting turnips instead of doing the trauma tango
Oh Rainy… I love you! These are all spot-on and PERFECT. I adore ALL of them! All of them you hear me? Especially Mandalorian Obi and Padawan Obi. “Parkour….” HEHEHE!
Here are two more Obi-Wans for consideration…
Sad Old Ben Kenobi Usually Lives on Tatooine with his roommates Sad and Sand. Makes friends with herds of Banthas. Misses his tea because that leaf juice they sell in Mos Eisley is NOT tea. Makes vaporator hooch. Occaisionally leaves the planet for Reluctant Adventures or Gets Captured by Vader because Vaderwan. You can sometimes find Sad Old Ben Kenobi off Tatooine, where he is toting either Luke or Leia around, sometimes both. Non-Tatooine type Sad Old Ben Kenobis are inevitably on the run from the Empire and Vader and may or may not be bearded.
Force Ghost Obi-Wan: He is made of 100% sass and salty-as-hell. He is made of memories and pain and a weary exhaustion. He is a silver fox and Too Old For This $hit. He is 2000% done with Skywalkers and no, he will not help you save your grandson, Anakin. He is tired and wants to rest and oh fine! He’s going to help you because you are going to make of mess of everything, Anakin. Stop that!
An assortment of Anakins is a storm of Anakins. I.E.
Darth Arulas, an Obi-Wan of the Sith variety, dashed into the living room, looking pale and flustered, which was unusual for the typically sauve and debonair man. He looked at his brother and sister Obi-Wans with something akin to panic in his eyes. “There is a storm of Anakin’s outside and they want to talk about holodramas and podracing. And they’re headed this way!”
The cacophany of Obi-Wan’s scurried to the emergency exits, which being Obi-wan Kenobis, involved jumping through and out a glass window into the Coruscuant sky ways below.
An Acrobatics of Ahsokas?
A Patience of Padmes?
A Pustule of Palpatines?
A Hustle of Hondos?
… I should stop now before I get carried away
The Star Wars ABC of Groups ie Jah got carried away…
A Joy of Jar-Jars
HB2796 is an absolutely blatant attempt to strip away the civil rights of transgender people; and it’s absolutely fucking terrifying.
Quoting the official summary of HB2796:
This bill prohibits the word “sex” or “gender” from being interpreted to mean “gender identity,” and requires “man” or “woman” to be interpreted to refer exclusively to a person’s genetic sex, for purposes determining the meaning of federal civil rights laws or related federal administrative agency regulations or guidance. No federal civil rights law shall be interpreted to treat gender identity or transgender status as a protected class, unless it expressly designates “gender identity” or “transgender status” as a protected class.
HB2796 is currently with the Republican-majority House Subcommittee on the Constitution and Civil Justice. Please, PLEASE–especially if you’re cisgender, and doubly if you’re one of their constituents–call the Representatives on the committee and explain just how much damage this will do, how many lives it will destroy, and how many legislative careers (hopefully) hinge on its passage or failure.
Committee members are:
- Chairman Steve King (R-IA-04; King is also one of HB2796′s sponsors) - (202) 225-4426
- Vice Chairman Ron DeSantis (R-FL-06) - (202) 225-2706
- Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ-08; Franks is also one of HB2796’s sponsors) - (202) 225-4576
- Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX-01) - (202) 225-3035
- Rep. Karen Handel (R-GA-06) - (202) 225-4501
- Ranking Member Steve Cohen (D-TN-09) - (202) 225-3265
- Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD-08) - (202) 225-5341
- Rep. Jerry Nadler (D-NY-10) - (202) 225-5635
(Note - Listed phone numbers are for DC offices only, but links go to pages with both district and federal office information, as well as additional avenues of contact.)
May your next period be light and end quickly
This is literally now my favorite post ever, because its become thousands of reblogs consisting of passing on good fortune. Meanwhile many of y’all added your own comments saying your thanks, and continuing the chain by adding your own little bit of wishful thinking. You are all wonderful.
may you not leak even once
NOT EVEN when you sneeze or cough!
may you always have what you need when you need it.
May you have no cramps.
May you have no headaches
may you start in your own home/somewhere you are comfortable, in your least favourite underwear and with plenty of pads/tampons on hand
1300 words today, as well as the weary realization that a character I thought I’d introduced much earlier in the story was actually only introduced four chapters back. (Neso Cseh Syndulla.) This doesn’t actually change anything (though his intro is on the list of things I need to tweak when I do a final pass edit to clean up continuity errors after I finish), it’s just wearying to realize that the reason it seems like such a long time ago is because it was a long time ago; he was introduced before I had my breakdown last year. (The chapter went up in October, but was written in May 2016; I think it’s the longest span between writing and posting I’ve had yet.)
A menu from a London Brothel from 1912.
Oh yes please, love me a bit of Diddling on the edge of the bed, with one foot on the floor
“If you’re not a self starter, please stay at home and jack yourself off”
I don’t think I’ll ever see anything better than this.
I’ll have one “Free back scuttling while woman rubs your nuts with a feather; must stay out of poop hole” please.
Porn hasn’t even discovered some of this.
“Customer must enter with cash in one hand and tool in the other.”
The misogyny. That’s my problem with the fucking movie.
(My apologies for not going downstairs to grab the book and get their names; it’s really late, I’ve had a lot of trouble breathing today due to allergies, and I”m tired.)
The female NASA satellite tech’s character is never developed, even though in the book she’s got a full character arc that takes her from meek and shy to spitting nails confidence at anyone who tries to doubt her work and skill.
The PR female character is subtly villainized the entire time, even though in the books her character is treated in a realistic manner in regards to her profession and how she is required to present the Mars/Watney situation to the media and the world. In the movie she is subtly (and not so subtly) castigated for doing her job.
The other female characters in the book (and there are a few) are all mysteriously missing from the film, even though they had vital roles in the task of saving Watney’s ass.
The female astronaut (not the captain) has a full character arc in the book. That arc is not in the movie; she is slated as a stereotypical geek and a love interest for a male character and nothing else, and that is quite frankly enraging all on its own.
The most subtle and galling bit is this:
The movie faults the female captain for her “mistake” in leaving Watney behind. This is basic cinema–the directors/producers felt that there had to be a human antagonist, not just the antagonist that is the entire planet of Mars, so they turned her into one.The other astronauts do not vocally blame her, but if you watch interactions, camera angles, and understand cinematic patterns, the captain is set up throughout the film as someone who made a mistake, and redemption is required, or else infamy forever!
That’s why they added the Iron Man bullshit sequence, and why SHE went out instead of the man who was *specifically trained for that sort of EVA activity.* She was the ship’s captain, but she was cinematically slated to leave her command post (A HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG OF NOPE) so she could be the one to rescue Watney. Thus she rectifies her “mistake” made at the beginning of the film, and becomes a protagonist again.
The film is bullshit (and leaves out the best of the science.) Read the book.
The fact that this has yet to devolve into boustrophedon is a miracle… or a challenge. I’m looking at you @terpsikeraunos @macdicilla @labellamordens
no punctuation we read like romans
words doesn’t classical matter order in greek;
we, in a manner akin to that of a man who once was, in Rome, an orator of significant skill, who was then for his elegance of speech renowned and now for his elaborate structure of sentences cursed by generations of scholars of Latin, the language which he spoke and we now study, Cicero, write, rather than by any efficiency, functionality, or ease of legibility have our words, our honors, the breaths of our hearts, be besmirched.
I’m up to it
calling all Shakespeare fanfic writers! @unpretty, you probably know more folks than I do, boost the call?
We’re looking for partner plays that are inspired by Shakespeare, plays that might be sequels or prequels to Shakespeare’s stories, plays that might tell the stories of minor characters in Shakespeare’s stories, plays that might dramatize Shakespeare’s company creating the first production of a title, plays that might include modern characters interacting with Shakespeare’s characters … plays that not only will appeal to other Shakespeare theatres, but also to all types of theatres and audiences around the world.