Gosh, trying to follow the timelines in this does my head in! Any chance of you putting things together in chronological order (or at least story order) one you've finished it? :-)
I love your Master. "I can't be associated with a rag-tag little band of misfits. People might start mistaking me for the Doctor." Oooh. Nasty.
As is Mickey's "At least he didn't run away."
Oh, and killing Jack just to shut him up? Very nasty. (And I love your warning in your heading: 'brief character death' - there's only one person who can do death briefly! *g*)
I don't like all the apostrophes in Mickey's dialogue to indicate his accent. I know you haven't done it very much, but we all know what he sounds like and the apostrophes just slow down the reading.
Also this remark of Jack's reads oddly to me: Those both are well out of fashion and general use by the middle of the twentieth." I don't know if it's an Americanism, but I would certainly say "Those are both" not "Those both are".
You certainly have me intrigued by this fic, though. Looking forward to more! :-)
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branchandroot
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Date: 2007-10-27 07:55 pm (UTC)I love your Master. "I can't be associated with a rag-tag little band of misfits. People might start mistaking me for the Doctor." Oooh. Nasty.
As is Mickey's "At least he didn't run away."
Oh, and killing Jack just to shut him up? Very nasty. (And I love your warning in your heading: 'brief character death' - there's only one person who can do death briefly! *g*)
I don't like all the apostrophes in Mickey's dialogue to indicate his accent. I know you haven't done it very much, but we all know what he sounds like and the apostrophes just slow down the reading.
Also this remark of Jack's reads oddly to me: Those both are well out of fashion and general use by the middle of the twentieth." I don't know if it's an Americanism, but I would certainly say "Those are both" not "Those both are".
You certainly have me intrigued by this fic, though. Looking forward to more! :-)