Three Jacks, or A Technical Error; Torchwood, Doctor Who, Max & Vain, Foxhole; PG13

[morgynleri]

Title: Three Jacks, or A Technical Error
Rating: PG13 (subject to change as this goes along)
FLA Code: Orange, with plaid stripes of amber and white (twistdfateangel, get a hold of me, I think someone messed with the extractor's warning system again)

Note the first: un-beta'd, general silliness, spoilers for my AU fic projects (Daegon Rings - Fallen, Broken, and Damage Control; Lieutenant to Chaos - Time, Chaos, and the Universal Constant, and Memos From Torchwood Two; crossover with my original 'verse, Max & Vain - all of which is flocked at the moment), and the insanity of Foxhole (fla_afterlife).

~ ~~ ~

Three Jacks
or
A Technical Error

"This is supposed to be impossible." Captain Harkness leaned against the wall of the room, watching the other two.. hims. "What's with the collar and cuffs, anyway?"

"Ianto's." Jack shrugged. "We were at his flat when this happened. What did happen, anyway?"

"Not a clue." Harkness fiddled with his hair in the mirror. "Though Vain'll have killed the Doctor if he doesn't figure it out quickly."

"If the Doctor has anything to do with this, the Master will do the same as your Vain." Captain Harkness smirked, as Jack stared at him.

"The Master's still alive? How?"

"My wrist comp shorted out at the end of the universe, he patched it back together, we ended up in London in 1893, and it failed, again. I've been keeping him from blowing up countries on a whim ever since." Captain Harkness paused. "What happened in your universe?"

"Wrist comp shorted out when it landed me in the 1860s, and I ended up with the Doctor and Martha at the end of the universe almost a century and a half later. The Master stole the TARDIS, and left us to get eaten by the Futurekind." Jack grimaced. "Then there was the year that we reset, and never happened. I lost count how many times the Master killed me."

"That, they have in common." Captain Harkness chuckled. "Usually he kills me after I've kept him from another world-ending scheme."

"Sounds like a fair trade to me." Harkness looked between the other two of him. "Who's this Master, anyway?"

"You haven't met him yet?" Captain Harkness raised an eyebrow.

"Nope. Just me and Vain and the Doctor, and the occasional refugee from danger." Harkness turned away from the mirror. "Whatever happened pulled me away from rescuing a lovely young lady named Rose from... well, actually, I'm not sure what it was, but Vain was bemoaning the fact that she didn't have the right ammunition in her gun for it."

"Rose. Rose Tyler?" Jack perked up. "It can't be the Rose from my universe."

"Certainly not from mine. Rose is dead." Captain Harkness scowled. "The Doctor still hasn't explained what happened to her. He was supposed to have sent her home, not let her die."

"He did send her home." Jack edged a little away from Captain Harkness, and closer to the other him. "She came back, and saved the universe. Took the time vortex into herself, that's what the Doctor told me. Killed all the Daleks, made me immortal, and then the Doctor took it from her, and regenerated, to save her."

"Mine didn't save Rose. He let her die."

"An-y-way." Harkness rolled his eyes. "We still don't know where we are, or how to get back to our respective lives. And I'd like to get back before Vain decides to start shooting something other than what was chasing us."

A door opened as they were chatting, and a young-looking woman stuck her head in.

"If you three would stop swapping stories for a moment, there are rooms for each of you. I'll show you where, preferably before the staff gets organized enough to start a betting pool on how long it'll take you three to start shagging each other... yourselves... senseless."

All three of them grinned at once, and she sighed, shaking her head.

"FLA, gentlemen. You have to try harder than that to unsettle me." She opened the door further, gesturing down the hall outside. "Sorry about the mess, though. We had to evacuate the fandoms. Someone let a couple of fangirls loose inside without the proper training to keep from disrupting things, and well..." She grimaced. "Meltdowns are never pretty. We didn't think we'd end up with more than one version of you, though."

"How many of me do you have here?" Harkness tried to peer into the next room, only to have her grab him by the collar, hauling him away.

"Too damned many. I got assigned you three to deal with." She gave the ceiling a glare. "I told you I would rather deal with the random Daleks than Jack, Branwen!"

"Oh, quit being overly dramatic, dear. You only have to deal with three of him." The response came from the headset dangling around Morgyn's neck, and the three Jacks looked at each other with grins that would have had her muttering about Murphy and debts certain administrators owed her.

"Three too many." Morgyn stopped at a lift, pressing the call button. "It'll just be a moment." She glanced at them. "And do attempt to behave yourselves. Just because Foxhole protects you from paradoxes and Reapers doesn't mean you can do anything you want."

"Actually, it would mean we could do just about anything we wanted without disturbing the timeline." Harkness looked over at himselves.

"Oh, baby Davy on speed!" Morgyn threw up her hands with an expression of exasperation. "Branwen, why don't we just toss the lot of them into an empty warehouse? Why? They're going to drive every agent working to keep them from screwing things up more around the bend. I mean, Verity's already going to need to go back into therapy just to keep her from loosing all the progress she's made. And she's not even near Jack fucking Harkness." She paused. "And didn't she find a better name than Verity?"

"No, and no, and... HANDS OFF, MISTER!" There was a pause, and distant sounds of apologies made in what sounded like a familiar voice. "Oh, for the love of Pete... no, not Pete Tyler, you idiot... Oh, fine. Morgyn, sweetie, just... the cadet barracks is empty at the moment."

"Thank goodness the lot of them are off on a field trip to visit the Professor. We might have a chance to clean it up after Jack... all of him... before they're finished listening to Boromir rant on being brought back to life by fangirls all the time."

"So," Harkness sidled up to Morgyn on one side, while Captain Harkness draped an arm around her from the other side. "How many of us are there?"

She ducked away, leaving them reaching for each other as the lift doors opened. "In. And at last count...." She trailed off, mouthing something as she mentally tallied up how many Jacks they had. "At least one for every fangirl you have, not counting the fanfic authors. They have two or three each. So, go. Tell the lift "cadet barracks, and go join the rest of yourselves, and bloody stay out of trouble while we're busy resorting your fandom."

~ ~~ ~

"I'm tempted to make them wear numbers." Branwen was watching the screen with a slightly glazed expression.

"They aren't wearing much of anything, Brannie." Morgyn reached for more popcorn as she leaned back in her seat.

"So?"

"You'd have to paint the numbers on. With something fairly impervious to sweat."

"It's just... a trainwreck. I shouldn't look, but I can't take my eyes off them."

"It's wanking. On a massive scale. And weren't we supposed to tell them when the fandom was all patched up and ready for them to go home?" Morgyn glanced over at the monitor on the wall of the fandom extractor. "I mean, pretty much everyone else is back. Well, we still have those couple of Tens arguing about the Master's shag-worthiness, but..."

"Do we have to?"

"The cadets come back tomorrow, Branwen."

That made the other administrator of Foxhole tear her gaze away from the monitor. "Oh, fuck. I hate logic."

Morgyn smirked. "I'll tell Jack... the Jacks... whatever... I'll tell that orgy of himselves that it's time to go home now. You organize the cleaning brigade. And I'll get someone to tell Ten to shut it, and get home before his respective companions decide to slap him silly."

"Right." Branwen sighed. "You always get the fun jobs."

"It's part of what makes me, well, me!" Morgyn grinned as she sauntered out of the extractor. "Have fun!"

End?

Note: Edited the last scene, had Branwen's input. Enjoy! (May have more tomorrow....)

Comments

[hhhellcat.livejournal.com]

Is it really bad that I can totally see the very end there? *giggles* Very cracktastic.

[cupati.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh wow. Yes, there are that many Jacks. I love this concept, and I'm gonna have a wander through your other fics (when I run out of Jack/Himself).

(Jack/Himself fest fics read:3)