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Daily Journal
Mar. 24th, 2020 03:03 pmExecutive dysfunction is fucking annoying, so are chronic health issues that eat up energy and motivation and ability to just bloody fucking do. I have a clear idea what I want to get done, and I have the desire to do it, and I do not have the energy to get it done. Sometimes not because I don't have energy to do things, but because it takes up too much energy to be able to do it and still be able to do important things like feed myself.
(Which. I have had to explain before that when I say getting enough calories in is a problem, it's not because the food isn't there, it's that it needs prepared and cooked and there aren't always the spoons there, and I want to scream because some people still don't get it.)
So I got some inventory done, but not as much as I wanted to get done, and part of that was knowing I needed to get some other things done upstairs, and now I'm sitting here glad for the cookies I have next to my bed at the moment, and trying to summon up the energy to get up and get lunch.
Which. For those who don't understand why this is spoons/energy intensive, let me lay out all the steps.
1. Put monitor on the desk instead of the tray
2. Push other tray off lap and out of the way
3. Stand up.
4. Step over trays
5. Go down two steps to get off my bed
6. Go into the other room.
7. Figure out what I want to eat
Food prep if meatballs and microwave:
A1. Open freezer.
A2. Pull out bag of meatballs.
A3. Close freezer
A4. Get bowl down.
A5. Put meatballs in bowl.
A6. Put bowl in microwave.
A7. Enter time and hit enter.
A8-10. Put meatballs back in freezer (see above for why that's three).
A11. Wait for cook time to pass.
Food prep if instanpot:
B1. Turn on water to hot.
B2. Empty pot of water soaking off previous food.
B3. Wipe out with paper towel if particularly icky.
B4. Add soap.
B5. Check if water is warm yet.
B6. Wait for water (today this will involve putting dishes in the dishwasher, and that's so. many. steps.)
B7. Add warm-to-hot water.
B8. Scrub pot out with rag.
B9. Rinse pot.
B10. Make sure I didn't miss anything. If I did, repeat B4, B7-9.
B11. Turn off water.
B12. Dry outside of pot.
B13. Add rice.
B14. (Optional, add millet.)
B15. Add flaxseed.
B16. Add protein. (minimum of four substeps to get from freezer, and to decided salmon or chicken)
B17. Add vegetables (minimum of four substeps, including deciding which to use)
B18. Add spices (at least two substeps, possibly more, depending on what I'm using).
B19. Add water.
B20. Put pot in base.
B21. Put on lid.
B22. Tell pot to run, damnit.
B23. Wait for food to be ready.
While waiting, either:
- reverse steps to attempt more on my computer (if using the instantpot, this is the better option) (6 steps)
- clear chair in kitchen to sit (if deciding fuck it I have meatballs and a microwave) (only an option today and maybe tomorrow)
C1. Put button-down shirt aside
C2-8. a-Fold and roll reusable bag. b-Put bag in bag holder.
C9. Figure out where to put wool sleeveless coat thing.
C10. Make sure chair is in fact clear.
C11. Finally sit. If the microwave hasn't beeped.
When food is ready:
D1. Notice it is ready
D2. Repeat steps to get up (6 sub steps) or stand up from the chair
D3. Make sure I have a hot pad
D4. Plate the food and/or add sauce (possibly two or three steps instead of one)
D5. Make sure I have a utensil
D6-11. Reverse steps to get back into my pillow nest
D12. Make sure my mug is full of water
D13. Eat food while trying to keep brain engaged enough not to eat too fast and make my stomach queasy.
That's a minimum of... 36 steps between dredging up energy and eating. Probably more. If I have energy enough for it, or stubborn fuck it enough, there will probably be the extra steps to put dishes in the dishwasher so my sink is not full. For a week, anyway.
And I know that's more steps than most people think about, because they bundle the steps together. Because they just don't think about how much goes into one of their steps. That has to be broken down for others. And some people might bundle more steps together than others. And it's entirely possible that people break things down even further than I just did here.
(Fuck, on a good day, I can bundle some of those steps into one. Today is not being one of the good days for that.)
(Which. I have had to explain before that when I say getting enough calories in is a problem, it's not because the food isn't there, it's that it needs prepared and cooked and there aren't always the spoons there, and I want to scream because some people still don't get it.)
So I got some inventory done, but not as much as I wanted to get done, and part of that was knowing I needed to get some other things done upstairs, and now I'm sitting here glad for the cookies I have next to my bed at the moment, and trying to summon up the energy to get up and get lunch.
Which. For those who don't understand why this is spoons/energy intensive, let me lay out all the steps.
1. Put monitor on the desk instead of the tray
2. Push other tray off lap and out of the way
3. Stand up.
4. Step over trays
5. Go down two steps to get off my bed
6. Go into the other room.
7. Figure out what I want to eat
Food prep if meatballs and microwave:
A1. Open freezer.
A2. Pull out bag of meatballs.
A3. Close freezer
A4. Get bowl down.
A5. Put meatballs in bowl.
A6. Put bowl in microwave.
A7. Enter time and hit enter.
A8-10. Put meatballs back in freezer (see above for why that's three).
A11. Wait for cook time to pass.
Food prep if instanpot:
B1. Turn on water to hot.
B2. Empty pot of water soaking off previous food.
B3. Wipe out with paper towel if particularly icky.
B4. Add soap.
B5. Check if water is warm yet.
B6. Wait for water (today this will involve putting dishes in the dishwasher, and that's so. many. steps.)
B7. Add warm-to-hot water.
B8. Scrub pot out with rag.
B9. Rinse pot.
B10. Make sure I didn't miss anything. If I did, repeat B4, B7-9.
B11. Turn off water.
B12. Dry outside of pot.
B13. Add rice.
B14. (Optional, add millet.)
B15. Add flaxseed.
B16. Add protein. (minimum of four substeps to get from freezer, and to decided salmon or chicken)
B17. Add vegetables (minimum of four substeps, including deciding which to use)
B18. Add spices (at least two substeps, possibly more, depending on what I'm using).
B19. Add water.
B20. Put pot in base.
B21. Put on lid.
B22. Tell pot to run, damnit.
B23. Wait for food to be ready.
While waiting, either:
- reverse steps to attempt more on my computer (if using the instantpot, this is the better option) (6 steps)
- clear chair in kitchen to sit (if deciding fuck it I have meatballs and a microwave) (only an option today and maybe tomorrow)
C1. Put button-down shirt aside
C2-8. a-Fold and roll reusable bag. b-Put bag in bag holder.
C9. Figure out where to put wool sleeveless coat thing.
C10. Make sure chair is in fact clear.
C11. Finally sit. If the microwave hasn't beeped.
When food is ready:
D1. Notice it is ready
D2. Repeat steps to get up (6 sub steps) or stand up from the chair
D3. Make sure I have a hot pad
D4. Plate the food and/or add sauce (possibly two or three steps instead of one)
D5. Make sure I have a utensil
D6-11. Reverse steps to get back into my pillow nest
D12. Make sure my mug is full of water
D13. Eat food while trying to keep brain engaged enough not to eat too fast and make my stomach queasy.
That's a minimum of... 36 steps between dredging up energy and eating. Probably more. If I have energy enough for it, or stubborn fuck it enough, there will probably be the extra steps to put dishes in the dishwasher so my sink is not full. For a week, anyway.
And I know that's more steps than most people think about, because they bundle the steps together. Because they just don't think about how much goes into one of their steps. That has to be broken down for others. And some people might bundle more steps together than others. And it's entirely possible that people break things down even further than I just did here.
(Fuck, on a good day, I can bundle some of those steps into one. Today is not being one of the good days for that.)
