A tag for another episode today. Episode three of season five, this time. Reckoner. Again, one of the last scenes of the episode, because this is an episode I have to figure out the changes to. It involves Rossi's hometown, and there's no way he and Tages pushed their body younger than just post-adolescence.
Part of that is my headcanon that it's one of the things that drove Ra mad - keeping his body so young he was constantly trying to cope with adolescent hormones. Part of it is Tages refuses to deal with that, and he isn't entirely happy with being close to that age, either.
Criminal Minds/Stargate SG-1: Children of Fire AU /She was beautiful./ Tages sighs quietly in the back of Rossi's mind. /And so very good at keeping secrets./
/So was Ray./ Rossi strokes the edge of the locket he'd taken from Schuller, letting memories float across his mind of the two kids who'd invaded his life when they were barely old enough to be off on their own. Two kids who'd decided he was theirs, and learned fast how to lie and well to everyone around them. /They deserved better./
/Many people deserve better. So many of the people we've known, and loved, over our life./ There's a familiar frustrated grief in Tages's mental voice. One Rossi shares, even though he knows they've done what they have to. More so now than before. And it's hard every time, letting go of those they love best.
Aaron looks up, the movement just enough to catch his attention, though he doesn't take his gaze off the little photograph in the locket.
"She was special to you."
An invitation to talk, if he's willing. To tell Aaron about a life between lives, when he'd been the recluse trying to decide who to be, found by a pair of mortal children who saw right through him.
Or to pretend he was a child with them, the lie he's told again and again until he can believe it when he tells it. That everyone believes, and builds a memory from themselves, that Emma and Ray had a third friend who ran with them, just their age. A bit quiet, a bit sheltered, but a good kid who went and made a name for himself after high school.
He lets his lips twitch, just barely a smile.
"I was just thinking. When I first met Emma, I knew I would love her for the rest of my life."
As long as they remember, neither he nor Tages ever truly stops loving those they've called family.
"We were... twelve years old." He lets a real smile warm his expression, looking up to meet Aaron's gaze. Drawing a deep breath before continuing, "She always said we were doomed to be star-crossed lovers. Destined to wonder, what might have been."
/So many what ifs. One of the biggest - what if we had a ship? A way to get off this planet, to show her and Ray the galaxy. What could we have been, the three of us?/ Tages huddles in on himself a moment, melencholy permeating his presence. /We could have kept them both, I think./
Rossi looks down at the locket again, nodding his head, though he has to wonder if it would have been worth it.
/We could have tried to keep them all, but would they have wanted that? Or would they have regretted leaving everything they know for a galaxy that may well still look down on them for being a singular person, with no symbiote to speak of?/
"I never... slept with her, you know." He gestures with the locket a moment, returning his gaze to Aaron's face. "That wasn't true. What I said to Schuller. That was just to... get under his skin, knock him off his game."
Aaron looks away this time, down at the case file open on the table between them. "I understand."
And Rossi is certain he does, though he doesn't know how much Rossi sometimes wishes it hadn't been a lie. How much Tages sometimes wishes the same.
/She knew who I was. She knew who we were, that we weren't a god or a demon, or anything of that sort. Just. A little more than human./ Tages's voice is soft this time, tinged with regret. Another bit of the gamut of grief and loss, dug back up by Ray's death.
"I should have married her, though." If he'd had the courage then. It would have been interesting, to be married to someone who knew, and loved them both regardless. "When I left the Marines, I was recruited by the Bureau. Spent a few years on the streets. Got involved with starting the BAU. Before I knew it, a lifetime had gone by."
/A blink of an eye, and you'd think we'd know after so many of them just how quickly they can pass us by. How to hold onto the good things./ Tages snorts. /We're supposed to be wisdom, knowledge./
/Sometimes even the smartest, most educated people can be fools, Tages. We're no exception to that./
He closes the locket, the click refocusing them on the here and now.
"I hear you." Aaron only meets his gaze briefly.
"I missed, a life with Emma, because I became obsessed with the chase." He pauses, making sure Aaron looks at him, even if he doesn't keep his gaze up. "With the hunt."
Two and a half thousand years, give or take, and they still keep finding something new on just one small planet. Things to distract and to fascinate, things to do and be. They both regret losing out on a life with Emma, but they can't regret having a chance to learn more, to do something new, to be at the forefront of this latest means of finding and catching those that would harm the people they call their own.
"Dave, he's threatening my family." Aaron looks up and keeps his gaze up this time. Intent and worried and hiding so much more than that behind his worry.
"And we'll get Foyet, Aaron." One way or another.
"Ok, then what's your point?"
Leaning forward, Rossi rests his arms on the table, holding Aaron's gaze. "You have a family. When all this is over, what are you going to do? To make sure you're not a lonely guy, wondering why you let the purest thing in your life get away."
He'd had to let his family - each of his families - go, or risk far more than just his life. Tages had let go of family, and only rarely looks back at what he left behind, and can't return to. Not yet, maybe not ever. But Aaron doesn't have the reasons they do, and he doesn't want to see him destroy himself in this chase.
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